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Semi-Fortnightly Ramble: United Parcel Stompers

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Bradford Day
Kurtis

Mar. 14, 2005

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Semi-Fortnightly Ramble: United Parcel Stompers

Have you ever shipped anything UPS? Sure, we all have. How about anything worth more than say, $100...or maybe even $1,000? Wouldn't it stand to reason that if you were shipping something of considerable and readily declared value that the company who makes money shipping things might just take that little extra step, one sliver of extra-carefulness? Apparently not.

I recently helped a friend out with some computer woes. He shipped his entire PC to Rich and me and with a little bit of tweaking, Rich had it running just fine. Now our friend shipped the computer in the original box with the original packing material via FedEx with no problems. I have a UPS account and rather than charge a 2nd air delivery to my workplace, I shipped it on my personal account.

If I were to see a large box with paperwork stating that whatever was in said box had an estimated worth of $2,000 and it was my job to move it from point A to point B, I'd probably handle it as if it were made of hen's teeth and hippopotamus thumbs. Not so with UPS. I bet some of you didn't know this, but a $2,000 UPS insurance waiver, in actuality, translates to "Feel free to drag this box behind your vehicle for the duration of your route. Then, when you reach the airplane, load it into the cargo bay with a black powder cannon and stack 14 sacks of lead shot on top of it for the entire flight." This is apparently what they did.

When my friend received the remains of his computer, both optical drives were free from their cages, the CPU heatsink was dented, the CPU cracked, the video card heat pipes bent and there was a hole in the front of the case, presumably made by a large spear or truncheon. Do you know what kind of force is required to remove the optical drives from the rails they are screwed into? Let me put it to you this way: I've been systematically whacking the computer down at the nearest UPS Store with a Wilson 5 iron, and I've yet to loosen one drive...purely for demonstrative purposes, of course.

I wonder what sordid adventures that computer endured. Perhaps there was a betting pool that day in the receiving department. "Let's see how high we can stack the insured items...put the inexpensive ones on the bottom. JENGA!" I think I could have delivered that computer myself using a Radio Flyer wagon and it would have fared better. I know this type of thing happens every day, but I've learned my lesson. I've decided to use a little reverse psychology. So from now on, I'm marking all my expensive computer shipments "Non-fragile, extra soft pillows" or maybe "Inexpensive black powder cannon fodder. Use only when you've exhausted supply of high-end computer components." I suggest you do the same.

Note: Unfortunately, we didn't get a picture of the smashed package and case I have talked about here. This image has been taken from UnitedPackageSmashers.com (with their permission) as an example of UPS' extraordinary package smashing capabilities.
If you want to do a little more reading on this topic, I suggest taking a look at UnitedPackageSmashers.com. They have some compelling photos and stories which are worth taking a look at on their site.

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