So when the Radeon HD 4870 gets busy with a very graphics-intensive application and gets hot, the fan spins up. Not to a troublesome level, mind you, but enough to hear the whine in my super-quiet PC at home. In fact, some users are more concerned about the GPU temperature and have set the fan to manually spin at around 35–40%, claiming you "can't hear it." If I do that, I definitely hear it. It all depends on how much noise the rest of your machine makes.
So I stopped by my local PC white-box shop, Central Computers and picked up a Zalman VF900-Cu VGA cooler for $40 (you may find it, or similar products, online for a bit less). It's made to fit a variety of cards, including Radeon HD 3000 series; almost all the coolers that fit 3000 series cards fit the new 4000 series. After 15 minutes with a small screwdriver, it was installed and ready to roll, still taking up two slots as the card did before.
Make no mistake, this is a
bad idea. The power regulation hardware on a card that can pull 125W needs a lot of love, and the last thing it wants is to breathe freely. At least take some of the spare memory heatsinks and put them on
farcically.
Because you know what makes even less noise than a Zalman heatsink? A block of wood. Classier than some rolled up newspaper duct taped to the front of the card, a block of wood still drives home the point
that you hate computers and like house fires.
Extra: redemption for people smart enough not
to follow in Extremish footsteps.