In today's update for Team Fortress 2, players will get three news maps and three new unlockable items for the scout class. If you planned to play a heavy, you might want to wait a few weeks. Expect servers full of scouts grinding playing diligently. Their reward will be powerful new shotguns, baseballs that knock skulls, and drinks that pack a boost followed by a hangover. Now that's Americana! Throw in a little cole slaw and it's just like certain backyard barbecues I've attended.

We have sounded the alert and released a quick fix for an exploit that some unscrupulous players were using to wield items on invalid classes. I have considered an appropriate punishment for the good-for-nothings responsible for this horrendous breach of conduct. Death, of course - but death is too good for disappointments such as these. Instead, their unlockable items have been removed for a month.