I am not a hard-core gamer. I’m not even a medium-core gamer. My core, gaming-wise, could best be described as “nougaty.” Oh, I play a lot of games, across all sorts of genres, but it’s always on standard difficulty. The only game I’ve gotten 100 percent completion on is the odd Sudoku.

I had kind of a heavy World of Warcraft thing going on for a while, but claiming to be a hard-core gamer because you play a lot of Warcraft is like claiming to be a criminal mastermind because you can’t stop shoplifting nicotine patches.

Even though I’ve somehow managed to come to terms with the fact that I don’t care about videogames more than every other thing in the entire universe, sometimes a game rubs it in my face. Most recently it was Super Mario Bros 2, a game released in 1988 for the Nintendo Entertainment System. I downloaded it on the Wii – supposedly not a hard-core system – and realized that I am nothing.